“I wish I had done more”.  In our society, we hear this statement way too often. In the last few days,  I have heard it way too much.

What is happening at Penn State is nothing less than appalling.  I have been listening and reading to all the excuses coming out of the Penn State campus, and I for one am disqusted. To have sexual abuse (if true) of young boys not only occur on a college campus but in the football locker room is egregious. Moreover, to have an assistant of Joe Paterno witness this act, and do NOTHING about it other than to run home and call his dad is mind boggling!! Mike McQueary, the assistant, was 28 years old. How old do you have to be to know that what he was witnessing was wrong? According to the grand jury report, Mr McQueary testified that he went into the locker room one Friday night and heard rhythmic slapping noise. He looked into the showers and saw a naked boy about 10 years old, with his hands up against the wall being subjected to anal intercourse by a naked Sandusky.  McQueary informed Paterno the next day, who according to reports reported to higher ups. Why no call to the police? Whether by McQueary, Paterno, the president of the university, someone??? This to me is more egregious than the act of a very sick individual.

There is a consensus that the president of the university should resign or be fired. As of this writing, he is to be removed or he is resigning. Two other men have taken leave or have resigned. We haven’t heard what is happening to McQueary, but we have heard the Joe Paterno has announced his retirement at the END OF THE SEASON. NOT good enough. Mr. Paterno should do the right thing and retire NOW!! Not tomorrow, not after the game on Saturday, not after the season but NOW!! If he is allowed to be on the sidelines on Saturday, it will end up being a rally for Paterno, and the victims will be hurt all over again. This cannot be allowed to happen. The Board of Trustees must do the right thing and put the victims first and not allow Paterno to take the field. If they let this happen and allow Paterno to take the field on Saturday, they not only will scar the university even more than it is now, but more importantly scar the victims once again.

“I wish I had done more”.  We cannot use that excuse anymore. Whether addressing abuse, or suicide, we MUST do more. We MUST never turn a blind eye. We MUST speak out!!

Thanks for reading, and remember

Never Strike Out!

Peace

Forty years is a long time. For some, it’s a lifetime. For others (like me), it is extra time that we weren’t suppose to have except for a divine intervention.

This July marks an anniversary of a chance meeting of one of my dearest and closest friends, who not only changed my life but saved it as well. Lou, a Catholic priest, saved me from drowning in a pool forty years ago. If not for that moment, I would not have had the chance to live out my dream, and become a major league umpire. If it was not for that moment, I would not have had the chance to meet the people in my life that helped shape my life. If not for that moment, I would not have met my life partner, or have had the pleasure of meeting so many wonderful people that I have met on this journey called ‘life’. If not for that moment, I would not have met my ‘go to’ guy.

Lou was that divine intervention. He didn’t just give me these extra forty years to live out my dreams, but he became my ‘go to’ guy. He was the one that instilled into me that I should never lose my faith in the God that I prayed to. He was the shoulder to lean on when I needed a shoulder. He was the one that I turned to, when I needed someone to listen to my troubles. He was, in all accounts, the one who never wavered from being the person I needed in my life at all times.

On June 26th, I lost my ‘go to guy’. Lou lost his battle with cancer, but selfishly I could only feel how lost I was without him. I, along with so many others whose lives he touched, sat vigil at his bedside. We were there to comfort him, just as he was for us so many times in his life. When, the God he served so faithfully called him to His side, I know that he was up there already helping others. He never put himself first. He was concerned not about his own well-being, but only that of others. He was, for that matter, the ‘go to’ guy for so many of the people whose lives he touched along the way.

Lou gave me many gifts over these last forty years. However, he gave me one gift that I will cherish for the rest of my life. He waited for me to say good-bye…he waited for me so I could say thank-you to my ‘go to’ guy.

Thanks for reading and remember,

Never Strike Out!

Peace

When Sunday morning came around, I had decided to write a new blog piece. My mind was made up that I would write about Harvard’s graduation, which is this coming Friday the 27th of May. However, I decided to wait until Monday morning to write it. Sunday evening, while watching the Chicago Bulls play the Miami Heat, Joakim Noah blurted out his gay slur. I couldn’t believe that another athlete had done this, and so soon after the incident with Kobe Bryant. So, my mind changed, and that would now be the new topic of my blog piece.

Monday morning came, and as always I turned on the Today Show. As the broadcast started, it showed the devastation that had hit the city of Joplin, Missouri. Mother Nature had visited this small town, and left a path of destruction that was a mile wide. As the weather channel’s reporter was covering the story, he was so overwhelmed by what he saw he started to cry. It was heartbreaking to see the pain on the faces of the residents, some of whom (if not all) had lost everything, including family members. I gasped, as the news showed a man who dug thru the ruins of his home to pull out his little dog. I’m sure the dog was scared, but he was alive and happy to be in the arms of his owner.

As I sat on my couch in total shock, I realized how fortunate I was to be safe in my home. It was then that I realized, how much I take for granted the wonderful blessings that have been bestowed upon me. I sometimes think that I complain too much about what I don’t have, and not enough about what I do have. I could dwell on the fact that I don’t have the right to be married. If I was not self-employed, there would still be 30 states that make it legal to fire me from my job because I happen to be gay. Athletes still use the word ‘faggot’ in a derogatory way. My community is still oppressed in a free country. However, I should look at all I do have. I have a wonderful home, a partner who cares about me and a dog whose unconditional love puts a smile on my face and heart each and every day, and the chance to meet amazing people when I travel for work. This is what I should focus on, and then continue to fight for the blessings I don’t have.

At last count, over 100 people have lost their lives in Joplin, Missouri. This catastrophic event has given me pause to say thank you for what I have, and to count my blessing each and every day.

May God Bless those who are suffering in Joplin!

Thanks for reading and remember,

Never Strike Out!

Peace

In our society today, our professional athletes, as well as anyone in the public eye (including Lady Gaga), tend to forget themselves and use words that hurt people. I am sure that most people in the public eye have no intention to malign, nor hurt those that the words describe. However, they do hurt and much more than they can ever imagine.

Let’s start with the most recent comment from NC State’s forward C J Leslie. He tweeted just this past Tuesday “i’m no anti gay But I would rather not have a gay n the locker room. john Amaechi is to big to be gay”. Now, how can CJ say that that is not anti gay? How much more anti gay could that be? And as a basketball player, did he not learn from the situation that one of the greatest basketball players to ever play the game just went thru (Kobe)? And how does being a big man have anything to do with someone’s sexual orientation. Yes, he apologized, but alas do we really believe him?

Next, we have Sean Avery, undoubtedly one of the greats for the New York Rangers. Sean, a heterosexual, has come out publicly supporting equal rights for the LGBT community. The Rangers left winger made headlines for participating in a public service commercial for an equal marriage rights campaign in New York State. Shortly thereafter, NHL player agent Todd Reynolds decided to respond on his agency’s twitter page, saying he was “Very sad to read Sean Avery’s misguided support of same-gender ‘marriage, ” and that, “Legal or not, it will always be wrong.” Yes, I believe that Mr. Reynolds has the right to his opinion, as we know this is America. However, he is misguided to believe that his public posting wouldn’t cause himself and his agency a backlash. The majority of the people, especially those who follow hockey, were on the side of equal rights for the LGBT community. Mr. Reynolds chose to be an agent, and to start an agency. What will he do when he finds out that one of his clients, gay or straight, is in favor of equal marriage rights for the LGBT community? Will he tell that client he will no longer represent him because of his or her beliefs, or will he keep the percentage of the contract money he makes from his client’s contract? I would love to know the answer to that question. Will he or will he not be a hypocrite.

This is not all about my community, the gay community. It is about our society, and not thinking when we speak. Just this past Saturday LeBron James used the word ‘retarded’ in speaking of a question from a reporter directed at this teammate Dwayne Wade. No, I don’t believe that LeBron is that naïve, or insensitive. However, he has to remember that he, along with Lady Gaga, Jennifer Aniston, Sarah Silverman, Rush Limbaugh and former White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel are public figures. They cannot use words that hurt others. These words have consequences, not only to those who use them, but to those who they hurt. And yes, those consequences to those they hurt could be catastrophic!

Lastly, Major League Baseball has to do more in teaching its players and coaches to be aware of their words and actions. How many more times will we hear or read about a player (Chicago Cubs Pitcher Julian Taverez), or a coach (Atlanta Braves Pitching Coach Roger McDowell) use the word ‘faggot’. These words hurt…period…and they must stop.

As a nation, we have many issues that need to be addressed, and they will take time to be resolved. However, we have the power to fix this one deadly problem that at times brings our great nation to its knees. We can, rather we must, stop the unsolicited hurtful words that affect our nation’s most vulnerable citizens.

Thanks for reading and remember,

Never Strike Out!

Peace

On April 15, 1993 the headline for a story in the Chicago Tribune was the following:
COMMENTS IRK GAYS…
Former National League umpire Dave Pallone and the New York Chapter of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation are demanding an apology from Bobby Bonilla for using the word “faggot” in his locker room tirade against New York Daily News sports writer Bob Klapisch last Saturday.

Last night, almost 18 years to the day, the word ‘Faggot’ was used by another prominent athlete to voice his displeasure over something he disagreed with. In 1993, Bobby Bonilla used it toward a sports writer, and last night Kobe Bryant used it toward a referee. Both men apologized, and both men acted in the same way…let the PR person of their respective team issue the apology for them. Why not on national TV Kobe? Just as your game was on national TV last night, you should be man enough to apologize on national TV!! Bobby Bonilla went on national TV to explain what he did, after I and others demanded he apologize. His explanation was appalling. Appearing on the nationally syndicated talk show, ‘The Arsenio Hall Show’, he explained that he meant no harm in using the word. Paraphrasing what he said to Arsenio…’it’s like me calling you a Niger on the basketball court, it’s the same thing’…his words not mine!! I was appalled then that he felt that using either word was ok, and I am appalled now, after 18 years, how much the word ‘faggot’ is still being used!

I am a fan of Kobe Bryant, as are many, and I mean many young people and adults, some of whom happened to be gay. Yes, he has made other mistakes as a human being, one I can think of happened right here in Colorado. His recent ‘mistake’ might be an aberration. However he should take responsibility for it, and he should not just issue a statement as he has done (see below), but he needs to do this as prominently as he did when using the slur!
“What I said last night should not be taken literally. My actions were out of frustration during the heat of the game, period. The words expressed do NOT reflect my feelings towards the gay and lesbian communities and were NOT meant to offend anyone.” Kobe Bryant

Public figures, such as Kobe Bryant, must understand that there actions, along with their words are seen and heard by all. Words hurt…they hurt the young, the old, the straight, the gay, the black, the white, and all those in between. We must remember the words of Dr. Martin Luther King…”Hate is easy, love takes courage”.

1993-2011…we have come a long way since then, but just not far enough.

Thanks for reading and remember,

Never Strike Out!

Peace

Stuck in Toledo. That’s how I always felt in the late 70’s when I was umpiring in the international league. The stadium was awful, and the fans, well let’s just say they weren’t the nicest. Who would have thought that I would be stuck in Toledo again in 2011…not me. However, my work brought me to Toledo (again), and the weather made me stay a little longer than I had wanted to.

My journey to Toledo started back last summer. I received a call from Sheri, who represented the Toledo Area Human Resource Association. The association wanted me to bring my program to their conference. After working out the details, my journey to Toledo was set. With that, the University of Toledo took advantage of my being in their area (thanks Sue and Kelly), and brought me in to speak to the coaches, administrators and student athletes. To say that it was a great experience is an understatement. I arrived on Monday, so that I could just get there on time. With the snow storms cutting across our region, if I didn’t leave three days early, I would not have made it to Toledo…period. Kelly picked me up at the Detroit airport, and brought me to my hotel in Toledo. I hibernated in my room for the next three days, only venturing out once (Thursday afternoon) to take a walk around downtown. The city has changed since my last visit, boasting a beautiful downtown minor league ballpark. It is mirrored after Camden Yards in Baltimore. I took some pictures of the park, and if I was a little bit more tech savvy, I would share them with you.

My day at UT started off with a roundtable for coaches and administrators. A lively conversation with great dialogue. When we were finished, I experienced something that to me spoke volumes of how the athletic department is run. Mike O’Brien (athletic director) took the time to thank me, not only for coming to his campus, but for coming to Toledo as early as I did so not to miss my event. For him to acknowledge the fact that it took some effort to get there was extremely appreciated. For that, I will always be grateful. The evening was, for me, a great success. The event, although mandatory for the athletes, was well attended. The athletes were respectful, and very attentive. When you’re speaking to young men and women on the subject of sexual orientation, sometimes you never know if they will not only pay attention, but respect you as a speaker. I am very happy to say both happened that evening, and a long day ended on a very high note.

Six a.m. came early. I had to be up and ready to be picked up for my presentation for the Toledo Area Human Resource Association, which was to be at 8 a.m. To be honest, it was one of the most entertaining and enlightening conferences I have attended. The people were warm, and the organizers so gracious, that it was a pleasure to be a part of the event. While eating lunch after the conference, I thought back to that initial phone call from Sheri. Stuck in Toledo. The first experience was not so great, but the second one was one to remember!

Thanks for reading and remember,

Never Strike Out

Peace

‘I Did Not Speak Out’ is part of a quote that I have used during my presentations. This, along with a quote by Robert Kennedy have been cornerstones of my message. As I start another year of bringing my message to young people and adults alike, I thought I would reflect on a few thoughts I have about where we are in society and where we might go.

I have seen quite a change in the twenty years or so since the publication of my book, and the start of my lecture tour. I have seen colleges and universities, that haven’t been quite gay friendly now embrace those who bring diversity to their campus. I have seen how the NCAA has spoken out about embracing diversity, and how they want their member institutions to educate their athletes. I have seen athletic departments, as well their athletic directors, raise the bar on how all athletes will be treated. I have seen how most of the corporate world has changed from tolerating their employees who are gay, to understanding that with them they have a better workforce. I am thrilled that these changes have occurred, but we still have so much to do.

Although these changes have been made, there are still young people and adults who live in fear on a daily basis. Whether it’s a teenager who is getting bullied in school, or the employee who fears of having a picture of the one they love on their desk, the work continues. We must continue to fight for what is right, and speak out against oppression. You don’t have to be gay, to understand that bigotry and hate is wrong. When Dr. King was fighting for civil rights, we saw white people marching along side of him sending a message of unity. Now, the gay community needs the straight community to march alongside them as well. We need to send a strong message to the young people of today (as well as the adults), that their life is worth living, and their future is worth living out. Dr. King said “Hate is easy, love takes courage”. We all must have the courage to speak out! If our society would take the time to speak out as often as they update their status on facebook or tweet their thoughts on twitter, we all would be living in a much better world.

Martin Niemoller was a nationalist and a protestant pastor. The following are his words.

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out — Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out — Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out — Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me — and there was no one left to speak out.

Let us not wait until there is no one left to speak out for!!

Thanks for reading, and remember

Never Strike Out!

Peace

In a few weeks, it will be forty years since the start of my journey to be a major league umpire. A journey, that took so many twists and turns, and one that ended in a way that I didn’t expect.

Over these last forty years, I have met so many people. Whether they were baseball people, fans of the game, or fans of mine, they became (in some way) part of my life and of course a part of my memory bank. This past Friday, I was with one of those people. After sharing a dinner and a drink with him, he gave me my idea for my blog post this week. When I woke up Saturday morning, ready to also watch some football, I was poised to start putting together my thoughts. Then, the tragedy in Tucson happened. I am not sure why, but this particular ‘tragedy’ hit me differently than those that came before it. Another senseless act by a troubled person, who didn’t get the help he needed. Over the course of the next few days, we learned about the people who were fatally wounded and their names. I had no connection to the city of Tucson or the people that were fatally injured, but by the end of the weekend I realized I did.

When I became a National League Umpire, my dream of walking on a major league baseball field came true, and it was one of the happiest times of my life. This past weekend, one little girl’s dream of meeting a congresswoman came true, and I am sure it too was a happy time for her. Little did she know that it would be her last happy moment. I didn’t know this little girl, but for me it was the most tragic death from that day. A little girl, just wanting to make one of her dreams come true, and having it be her last. Sad, but it is the state of the world we live in today.

Then, I learned I had a small connection to this little girl. Her grandfather was part of my past. He was part of the world of baseball. He was the manager for the Philadelphia Phillies in 1979. Dallas Green was his name, and I remembered how great he treated me. He went on to become the general manager of the Chicago Cubs, and again he treated me fairly. He was the type of guy that would command respect, but always showed it to other people. What more could I have asked from anyone. My heart goes out to him and his family during this difficult time in their lives. I am sure they will never fully recover.

I have always said that you never know who you will meet in your life and how they will affect you. Some will be a part of your life forever, some will change it forever, and some will touch your life for a moment. That’s what life if all about.

For me, forty years is a long time. For Christina Green, nine years wasn’t long enough.

Thanks for reading and remember,

Never Strike Out

Peace

14, 1, 65-31 were four numbers that had a great significance to me this past Saturday.

This year, Keith and I will be celebrating our 14th Christmas together. It has been an incredible ride for both of us, and I know we are very excited to be celebrating this holiday season in our new home.

Saturday was also the day we were to host our small holiday party. Years ago, when we lived in Colorado Springs, we would invite 100 people or more. Now that we are in a loft in downtown Denver, 25 is a good number. As we planned our day, Keith had his errands to run, and I had to put our loft in order and start to prepare the food. Right on cue, out came our dog Dexter. Although he is getting old (15), he still hasn’t lost his sense of smell. Well, it didn’t take long for me to start thinking of our beloved dog Baci, who we lost this past March. As the tears were rolling down my face, I realized that it would be the 1st Christmas we would be without our beloved ‘BoBo’ (Keith’s nickname for him). I thought of how he would be right under my feet, hoping upon hope that I would drop some food on the floor. He was a special dog, and I know that he was there in spirit catching all the food I was dropping just for him!!

As the day progressed, the house was ready for company, and the food was just about done. Then, at about 1 p.m. MST, came the email with the history making news. In a vote of 65-31, the Senate passed the bill to eliminate Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. The policy of discriminating against Gays and Lesbians from serving openly in our armed forces was abolished, and on Wednesday December 22, 2010, President Obama will make it law. For those of us who happen to be gay, this holiday season will be a very special one. 1 more civil right was obtained and 1 less fight to fight.

14, 1, 65-31. Just numbers to most people, but for me they mean the world!

Happy Holidays!!!

Thanks for reading, and remember,

Never Strike Out

Peace

On November 30, 1988 I learned firsthand what homophobia in sports was all about. That was the day the Major League Baseball fired me because I was gay. After 18 years as an accomplished umpire, 10 of those years with the National Baseball League, Major League Baseball decided there was no room for a gay man within their ranks. That decision by Major League Baseball twenty some years ago left a scar on the face of our national pastime.

Why do I bring this up today, after all these years? Well, it seems to me that there are many similarities to major league baseball, and the state of our military. When ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ became law in 1993, it too left a scar. However the scar that was left this time was on our Nation’s face.

As a major league umpire, the integrity of an umpire is one that can never be questioned. It is what makes the profession what it is and has been since its inception by Abner Doubleday. However, how can one feel like they have integrity when you are forced to lie; lie about who you are, and forced to live a ‘double life’? This is what Major League Baseball forced me to do; to live in a box and to hide throughout my entire career. This is exactly what ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ forces our courageous men and women of our nation’s military who happen to be gay to do each and every day they serve our country. They are forced to live in a box, become liars, and hence throw their integrity into the trash. I have never served in our military. I have the upmost respect for all the men and women who serve our nation with honor, dignity, and for too many give the ultimate sacrifice. That said, how can I possibly respect those in our military (and for that matter in major league baseball), who force those of us who happen to be gay/lesbian to lie to their peers, their family, friends and most of all themselves on a daily basis? How can WE as a nation, a proud nation at that, allow this to be (in the case of our armed forces) law?

The fact is there isn’t an athlete or a proud member of our armed services, who checks his or her sexual orientation at the player’s entrance or on the battle field. Due to the homophobia in the game of baseball and in our military, players and members of our armed forces have been forced to live double lives. Only others who have lived in the closet will understand the struggles these men and women deal with on a daily basis. Constantly lying about who you are takes on its own life, and the stigma on homosexuality makes it even harder.

Ever since Abner Doubleday invented the game of baseball, there have been players who are gay. That is the same with our armed forces. This will never change. The question is whether they can be open about their sexual orientation, and remain in the profession they truly love. We must realize that once the first step is made, the stigma – and for that matter, the witch hunt – goes away, this story will be dead.

Thanks for reading, and remember,

Never Strike Out

Peace